Final Movie Project

Smoking on Campus

Life...

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

― John Lennon

What do you want to do with you life? I have been asked this question, or different variations of this question, many times before. When I enter high school it was “what do you want to study in college?” Now that I’m in college its “what do you want to do after college? Next it will be “how are you going to progress in you chosen career?” It’s a never-ending list of the same question of “what are you going to do next?” My answer to these questions is simple: be happy. 

Ideally, after college want to be doing what ever it is that makes me happy. Right know I have a picture in my head of opening my own photography studio and living on a farm in Vermont with a lot of dogs, (seriously, I love dogs! :D). But I like to live in the moment, be happy with what I have right now, not just dream about the future and hope I’m happy then. Yes the journey should be hard, and there will be some parts that will not make you happy, but it should not make you miserable all the time. There are many different paths I could take to get where I want to be. I could stay at Southern, tough it out for four years, but I’m not happy here. Life is to short to be doing something you hate; I have to choose the path that makes me the happiest, and that path leads me away from Southern. I don’t really have a plan for my life, like I said; life is to short. My philosophy is; do what makes you happy, when it makes you happy. Don’t miss out on something just because it doesn’t fit in your plan, plans have to change according to what life brings you. I know that there is a very good possibility that I will not make it to my farm in Vermont, and instead of have ten dogs, (yes ten, I have all their names picked out. I’m not crazy), I’ll have to live with just one at a time. But I also know that no matter where life takes me I will be happy because I will be with the people I love and that love me back. I know how cliché that sounds, but that’s all I really want out of life, to be loved and to love back. Like John Lennon said, the people that do things to become more successful don’t have a full understanding of life. Life is not defined be what you do, it’s defined by who you are and who you are then defines what you do. People mix that up sometimes. 

Reflection...

My reflection for this semester, to say the least, is not a good one. I have decided not to come back next semester. I read over this week’s blogging assignment a few times, and I honestly wasn’t sure how I was not going to make this about Southern Connecticut State University.  I guess I simply don’t like it here.  I have herd over and over again that a person’s success in college does have to do with the school they choose to go to. So I’m not blaming Southern for my unhappiness here, it just Southern and I are not meant to be. Let me make this 100% clear though. This is my decision, and I am happy with it. I am not blaming anyone.

            Early this year I tried out for the field hockey team here at Southern, and I made it. From that day on, it was like my choice was already made up for me. Going to Southern was what my mom wanted me to do, so I did. I am not blaming my mom, I have free will to make my own choices, it just so hard to say no to her. Obviously I want to make her proud and win her approval, and if I don’t do what she thinks is right she looks at me like I’m the biggest disappointment in her life. I know my mom only wants what is best for me, but I don’t think she knows what that is. My mom is the main reason why I chose to come to Southern. I came to Southern with an open mind, don’t get me wrong, I did try to make this work. I really do wish I were cut out for college. But the fact is I have never enjoyed school, so I was really counting on field hockey making it worth it, just like in high school.  I went to school every day in high school and kept my grades up so I could play field hockey. I did not have a good high school experience; I had very little friends, enough to count on one hand. Field hockey was what got me through high school. But here, field hockey was horrible. The coaches don’t care about you, only how you affect the team. The team is very cliquey and not welcoming. I dreaded going to practice everyday. Being told that I sucked when I had won enough awards and honors to know that don’t, was just down right frustrating. And to top it off, I am not even getting any money to go through my own personal hell.

            One of my goals here was to find a group of friends, witch I failed at. Having no friends makes me more miserable. It’s embarrassing to walk alone, eat alone, study alone. I go days without talking to anybody. I am completely alone here and it’s horrible. I don’t blame anyone but myself. I have always been the weird girl. People have looked at me like I have three heads so many times that I have taken myself out of social interactions, I avoid them at all means possible. I’ve done this for so many years that now I don’t know what to say, I’m so caught up in what people will think about me. So I end up sitting there, not saying anything, which of course, by default, makes me the weird girl. I know I need to work on this in order to be happy anywhere. It’s hard with family’s “just do it” attitude, but my boyfriend is very supportive of me. He knows how I get around crowds, and in social environments he never leaves my side and always makes a point to include me in the conversation. I know with the support I get from him I’ll be able to create new relationships with people again.

            One thing I learned about myself here is that when I’m upset, for a long time, all I want to do is sleep. I know I have never slept this much in my life. Despite my effort to do work, and I really did do work, I would fall asleep in the middle of it, waking up hours later. I couldn’t help myself. The one place however that my new sleeping habit changes is at home, partly because my mom doesn’t allow anyone to sleep past nine, but mostly because I’m happy there. I don’t feel as tired there, like sleeping is the only way I’ll make it through the day. I want to get up and do stuff. I only have one life, and instead of wasting what little time and money I have for a degree that gut tells me I am never going to use, I’d rather be somewhere that I’m happy, surrounded by people that make me happy, even if that means I have to work my ass of for the rest of my life never seeing retirement.

            So my plan for now is; I am going to take next semester off and work. Next fall I am going to attend Middlesex Community College, because I am not stupid, I know I need at least an associate’s degree if I want to achieve anything now a day. After I finish with that, I don’t know. But I like not knowing; my whole life has been part of my mom’s plan and I usually get anxious not knowing what she wants me to do next. But the fact is, it’s my life and I’m going to live it the way I see fit. Not knowing what I am going to do next brings a little mystery back into the world. I hope to open my own photography business someday. I want travel, to see the world. There are so many options I can choose from, so many paths I can walk down, that it just feels wrong to choose one at my very young age, and stick to it. I am going to go where life takes me, doing whatever I want ate the time I want it. I am so excited to start living life. 

Personality

And now the continuation of student presentations… 

         Louie’s group has decided to give a presentation on the mind, or something like that. But anyways, he has all of us doing a personality test so we have something to talk about tomorrow, and of course so we all know what kind of personality we have. I took the test and I have to say, I’m very proud of myself. I answered every signal on of those questions, even the ones with the big words. I have learned that I have an INFP type personality. That’s 89% introverted, 38% intuitive, 12% feeling, and 11% perceiving.

         So after I took this awesome test, I clicked on a link on my results page, to try to figure out what the heck INFP meant. The link took me to a page called INFP, (shocker!) The author of this page is Joe Butt. I am not kidding! His last name is Butt, spelt like an actual butt, like the one you have…high school must have been awful for him. But anyways, Butt told me everything I already knew about myself. I’m a very shy person who has A LOT of feelings and makes decisions based mostly on fact. Butt just put in nicer words.

“INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities. INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity. Their extreme depth of feeling is often hidden, even from themselves, until circumstances evoke an impassioned response. INFPs struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection, e.g., performance of duty for the greater cause. An INFP friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Luke Skywalker in Star Wars depicts this conflict in his struggle between the two sides of "The Force." Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the INFP believes that good ultimately triumphs.”

         Those are just some of the line in Butt’s page that I like being described has. I like the last part mostly because it uses Star Wars as an example, an I LOVE Star Wars :)

         So I think tomorrow’s class is going to be interesting. Of course there’s going to be those people that completely disagree with their own results, but I think its going to be interesting to see how many different personality types are in one class. 

Are we going to turn into our parents?

For all the girls out there who sat and watched The Breakfast Club like a thousand just like me, know the one question the brought those very different kids together. Are we going to turn into our parents? Is it inevitable? Tomorrow in my INQ class I’m going to learn about how parenting styles affects kids. Adriana’s group picked this topic for a class discussion and assigned a lot of articles for the discussion.

I read one of the four articles that interested me. The Four Styles of Parenting explained, well, the four different styles of parenting and general affects they have on the kids. According to the article the four parenting styles are: authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting, permissive parenting, and uninvolved parenting. Authoritarian parents set rules and goals for their kids that have to be followed. If asked questions about their rules, the answer is usually “because I said so.” The kids are also punished if a rule is broken. The kids often grow up to be obedient and proficient, but are also rather unhappy and have low social skills and self-esteem. Authoritative parents are much like authoritarian parents in the way that they both set expectations for their kids. The difference is that authoritative parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than enforcing punishment when rules are broken. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. The kids often grow up to be happy, capable, and successful. Permissive parents are pushovers. They don’t set rules or expectations for their children, and while generally nurturing and communicative, they often take the role as friend rather than parent. The kids often grow up to be unhappy and have low self-regulation. They might have problems with authority and do poorly in school. Uninvolved parents are pretty self-explanatory. These parents often only fulfill the kids’ basic needs. The kids often lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less competent than their peers.

Enough with the boring stuff, (I think I proved I read the article), and back to the cool stuff, The Breakfast Club. That’s one question this article did not answer. So do we inevitably become our parents? I know I don’t want to be like either my mom or my dad, and you all would be lying if you said that you like everything about your parents. But at the same times, there are things about both of them that I admire and wish I could be more like. So, no, I don’t think it is inevitable that you become your parents, but I believe you have to learn from who they are and how they raised you, to become the person you want to be. I think you can pick and choose from examples given to from your parents and other people, to become who you want be. It’s going to take some work, but you don’t have to be like your parents because and 80’s movie said it is inevitable, but if you were so lucky to get awesome parents and want to be exactly like them, then so be it.

Some interesting stuff..

         This week we are given articles to read by our fellow classmates about topics related to college. My group decided on healthy relationships, but we don’t have to present until the 15^th so we’re good and relaxed. The suckers, I mean poor poor people that have to go first gave us two articles each about there topic.

The first article I read was from Dion’s group that chose the topic of Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol.  Their article actually wasn’t an article at all, but a fact sheet on college drinking (http://www.alcohol101plus.org/downloads/collegestudents.pdf). Opening this linking and discovering it lead to a fact sheet was a really awesome surprise. You see I just finished writing a paper for a class that I hate, (you can probably guess which one), and I really did not want to read a twenty page long article about alcohol and college…plus I really like facts :). I read that sheet at least three times to find one fact that I found surprising, but the truth is I herd all those things before. I was being lectured on alcohol since I committed to Southern’s field hockey team. The NCAA and Southern have both come up with some pretty interesting ways to inform athletes that alcohol is bad and drugs will kick you of the team. Plus we can’t forget that very educational online alcohol course all freshmen had to take at the beginning of the year. I have to say that did absolutely nothing for my.  I’m very interested in what Dion’s group will put together for tomorrow and if I will learn anything new about Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol.

The second article I read was form Ashlee’s group that chose the topic of Nutrition, Sleep and Dorm life. I read the article called Beating the Freshman 15. Now if you haven’t herd of the freshman 15 you’ve been living under a rock, and gaining the 15 extra pounds common for freshman in their first semester was one of my biggest fears entering college. But surprisingly I have lost wait. I used to think believe it was because of field hockey. Working hard than I ever have, 6 days a week, is a pretty good reason of why I have lost and keep losing wait. But field hockey has been over for a few weeks now and even though I’m lifting waits 3 times a week, I haven’t changed my eating habits, I usually eat a lot during season, I haven’t gain any wait back. Its not like I’m complaining or anything, it just got me thinking that the fact that I’m losing wait instead of gaining is more than athletics. I took a step back and really looked at my days. At most, I eat one full meal a day, which is usually a coffee and sandwich from Dunkin Doughnuts. The only things I can eat at Conn is cereal, pizza, stir-fry and salad, which are all made to order, everything else that’s pre-made makes me sick to my stomach. So I guess the combination of crappie food and a  lot of exercise cause my to lose wait rather than gain.

Photography my passion

            On Monday I talked about one of my two interests, which was field hockey. My other interest happens to be my major as well; art is my passion. I’ve been making all kinds of art since I can remember. Now a day, I focus my creative eye on photography. I love taken pictures of people, and really try to capture the essence of that person. It’s a lot hard than you may think. I don’t just limit myself to people; I take a lot of pictures of animals as well. When people say the eyes are the gateway to the soul, they are talking about animals. All animals have a pure soul, an innocence, which shines through them all time, and can be beautiful to capture on film.

            I started photography my freshman year of high school. I started off on a 35mm camera, very old school. I developed my own film and photos. I love being in the dark room. The atmosphere, the smell. Being able to shape my pictures into what I see with my own two hands. It’s a feeling I will never forget in this digital world. At the beginning I was not into digital photography, it wasn’t until I took advance photography for the second time, (because I wanted to, not because I failed,) that I really figured out my way around Photoshop. Now you can’t get me a way from a computer when Photoshop is open! Photoshop allows me to create things I couldn’t of imagined in the dark room.

            In the future, after college, I hope to own my own studio in a small town in Vermont. A lot people’s response to my career choice is that I better like weddings. The truth is I won’t mind shooting a wedding every month, or taking school, family, pet, or any other kind of portraits you can think of. All I want to do is to take pictures. It’s the only thing that relaxes me. At the end of the day, playing around with my pictures of Photobucket, (it’s a free website, ‘cuase Photoshop cost $700), keeps me sane. It’s something until I get the real thing.